Depression more common in Spotless Giraffes

Bleah!

How many people have I known who were depressed, purposely injured themselves, or tried to kill themselves? I've lost count, but I never thought I'd be included with them.

Depression isn't a figment of one's imagination. A person cannot simply think happy thoughts and make it go away. Sometimes even antidepressants and therapy don't help. To those who spend some days curled up in bed...or who wish they could, to those who wish they could disappear or who would do anything to stop the pain...you're not alone.

I'm there with you. Despite the therapists and the pills, there are still days I want to spend in bed. I still drink myself silly now and then, to stop the anxiety and fear and guilt, to feel free like a child again. I still sit at my desk at work, praying for five o'clock to come...and sometimes deciding to bail out early because I can't stand to be there any longer. Sometimes I dread going to class, being in the same room with people. I avoid my assignments because they seem so much bigger than me.

Many days I'm better, I usually pass for a normal human being. Sometimes even manage to escape and lose myself in something. I draw, or walk, or program. Go to a karate class, or biking, or hiking, or rock climbing.

...but sometimes I dig deeper and write to express the pain.

In Fall 2000 a counselor at my university made a tenative diagnoses that I was depressed, pending a checkup with a university physician. He agreed and prescribed Prozac, which after a few weeks began to help. After a month more, my dosage was doubled in an attempt to relieve the remaining symtoms of depression. I reacted poorly to the increased dosage and, one night, very nearly tried to kill myself. A friend found me curled up on his couch with my knife lying on the floor. I reduced the dosage of my medication to the original and began seeing a new therapist the next week. I did not manage to recover in my classes and was forced to withdraw from school for medical reasons.

I have now returned to school. Hopefully this means a new start, but I'm afraid of what might happen if I can't start over.

The following links contain information I have found useful:

alt.support.depression FAQ
Frequently Asked Questions from the newsgroup alt.support.depression. A very good resource.

Afraid to Ask: Depression Guide
Sent to me by a close friend. Good general overview, includes information about physical causes of depression and treatment.

WebMD: Depression
New articles are regularly posted here.

WebMD: Depression - Newly Diagnosed
Good introductory information.

Women.com: Depression Articles
Women.com's archive of health articles about depression.

iVillage: Depression
Short introductory information about depression from iVillage.

Yahoo: Depressive Disorders
Yahoo's hierarchical directory of sites about depressive disorders.

Prozac is not, by far, the best or only antidepressant medication availible. It is, however, the medication my doctor prescribed. Thus, I am more familiar with the sites concerning it.

Lilly: Prozac
Lilly's site. Lots of advertisement, but as it is the official Prozac web site, it seems important.

WebMD: Prozac Information
Drug information about Prozac. Possibly more informative than the Lilly site.

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